Back in CU campus yesterday. It felt like going home. The years spent here were the best years in my life. Leaving all the clutters and things behind, lived as myself.
Everything said and done represents only myself and is responsible only to myself. No one was expecting me to behave in a certain way. No one cares about my social background nor academic performance. They learnt about me by who I am.
It has been some years since I left. I have always missed the freedom and peace of being myself.
Last night, When asked for advise, the younger ‘old ghost’ talked about courses, GPA, exchange , jobs and career.
The older old ghost told freshmen to enjoy.
Back in ‘real’ life,
People advice me about jobs and career, marriage and life planning.
No one told me to enjoy life.
For me, university life and hostel life is the little time window that no one is forcing, pushing, or advising me to do anything. The only time in my life that I myself could grow. But I did not grow strong enough in these three years. After leaving that wonderland, once again I was bound by all those things and persons that used to bound me.
Few years to thirty, all justifications are only excuses.
Sometimes you did something that is totally ridiculous and meaningless to everyone else. And the absurdity arises for reason no other than the very fact that you are finally living as your own self. You are doing what is most important to you, rather than those on the mainstream success metre.
The right things to do and the real right things to do are somewhat mutual exclusive.
I have a hard time accepting the fact of not being understood by the people whom I loved. I failed to ignore their opposition. I hope to be released from the bound, and never lay any burden on those who loved me.
I am a coward living a life so ‘right’. When I have time to think about life, I cry most of the times.